Mental Health Awareness Week: It’s ok not to be ok

Why mental health matters to me

My relationship with mental health started long before qualifying as a vet. When I was 7 years old, during the breakdown of my parents’ marriage, my mum tried to commit suicide. She was diagnosed with depression, and later with psychosis. Being her carer from a young age was challenging to say the least, particularly in the face of stretched and fading mental health resources. Some weeks Mum couldn’t get out of bed. I would come home from school and find her in my bed because she wanted to feel close to me. Some days she believed I was trying to poison her, or there were people hiding in my cupboard. Some days she felt like her life wasn’t worth living or she wanted to cut all her hair off or harm herself. I had to fight very hard to get her the help she needed, often involving hospitalisation, which she greatly resented me for.

I’m not ashamed to admit that these experiences affected me, but we pulled through thanks to the support of some fantastic and loyal friends.

One of the biggest challenges was overcoming how other people responded to Mum’s illness. She was called “mad”, told to “just get on with it”, treated as if she was invisible by people she knew, and she lost friends. When confiding in my teacher that, at the age of 17, I was caring for my 14 year-old brother to avoid him going into care whilst our mum was in hospital, I was told I shouldn’t be spending time doing the food shopping because I needed to focus on my exams.

I strongly feel that there could have been more support for my mum, but also for my brother and me too.

Let’s end the stigma

Time to Change says “Around 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem this year, yet the shame and silence can be as bad as the mental health problem itself. Your attitude to mental health could change someone’s life"

Everyone’s got mental health, even if we don’t talk about it. It’s similar to any taboo topic. Like, we all have pubic hair. Some people would be embarrassed if their pubic hair had sneaked out of their swimwear and people noticed it. Some people are comfortable enough with it that they wouldn’t care if it did. Some people have professional help with it so that they can be content with it. And some people have never had to worry about it, so may not be able to appreciate how it could even be an issue.

The point is, whether you’ve thought about it or not, we all have mental health. And, like our pubic hair, how we keep it in check is unique to us.

How you can help yourself and others

Talking more openly and more frequently about mental health and wellbeing won’t make more people have mental illness. Instead it will normalise it. It will stop people suffering in silence, reduce the number of people reaching breaking point, and maybe even save lives. As well as helping those experiencing mental illness, it will help those who are supporting others too by acknowledging it.

Top tips:

Look after your own wellbeing

• Keep a compliment diary so that you start listening to the great things that people say to you or make a scrapbook of thank you cards from clients. 
• Invest in self care
  • Guidance on self care by Vetlife
  • Self care awareness tool
  • Guidance on self care with Blurt it out
• Join groups, such as your local BVA Young Vet Network. As well as offering free CPD, they also provide a great way to meet other people who are experiencing the same highs and lows of being a vet. The groups are particularly aimed at vets qualified less than 8 years, but the sessions are often opened up to students and other veterinary professionals too.
• Use the VetLed HALT tools
• Remember that you are not alone. Talk to someone you trust about anything that is worrying or upsetting you or if need further support, contact one of the following fantastic organisations:
  • Vetlife, Mind, Crisis, CALM, The Mix, Young Minds, Contact, Heads Together, Samaritans, Papyrus are all mental health charities
  • British Veterinary LGBT+ and British Veterinary Ethnicity and Diversity Society - BVEDS 

Be the friend to others that you would need yourself

Try to create an environment where it is ok for others to say that they are struggling without feeling ashamed

• See Vetlife and Mind

Mind your language when talking about mental health

• See Time to Change

Be kind - everyone has a story that you know nothing about

And finally, remind yourself that whilst mental health is important, it does not define you. My mum is an amazing, kind, and loving person, and now she’s on the right medication, she’s back to being just that.